


Everybody Is Looking For Something

by eveljerome



Series: author's favorites [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Loki (Marvel) Lives, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, M/M, Odin wants to enjoy Valhalla in peace, Open Ending, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Steve and Loki talking, Valhalla, Wakanda, so Loki needs to go back to the land of the living
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-01
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-05-17 00:01:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14821418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eveljerome/pseuds/eveljerome
Summary: The taunt about Loki cheating death stung, and he wasn’t even granted a chance for a response. So this death was the last one, was it? Instead of nothingness—the void, endless and never quiet enough—or Helheim which he was expecting, Loki opened his eyes to see the great doors of Valhalla shining before him.





	Everybody Is Looking For Something

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lise](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lise/gifts).



> inspired by [this tumblr post](http://veliseraptor.tumblr.com/post/173800573780/im-cracking-up-at-the-imagine-of-odin-chilling) and dedicated to one of my all time favorite fanfiction writers [Veliseraptor](http://veliseraptor.tumblr.com/). if you haven't yet read her amazing [Remember This Cold](https://archiveofourown.org/series/28656) verse, then you really really should.
> 
> i really like how this fic has turned out, and perhaps sometime in the future i might write more for these two. <3

~~  
His death wasn’t painless. But at least it was mercifully _quick_.

For daring to do away with him Loki decided to hate Thanos forever, or at least until Thanos himself was lying somewhere dead. By whose hand it didn’t matter much, as long as he wasn’t allowed to draw another breath. 

The taunt about Loki cheating death stung, and he wasn’t even granted a chance for a response. So this death was the last one, was it? Instead of nothingness—the void, endless and never _quiet_ enough—or Helheim which he was expecting, Loki opened his eyes to see the great doors of Valhalla shining before him.

Did he even deserve to be here? His mind said yes, but something else whispered insidious, _no, Loki_. Fervently hoping, almost praying, that Thor wasn’t about to step on his heels in a second, Loki took a deep breath and pushed the doors before him open. There was no resistance to it, no one was barring him entrance.

He heard the din of festive voices, of shouts for more mead, for yet another epic tale felt so much like Asgard during its feasts. Looking at the people gathered, he saw familiar faces, some more others less, sitting at the long tables covered in all kinds of foods. Faces he had frequently seen in Asgard, others he remembered from when he was still little, old and wisened already then, even yet more from books he had read about old warriors and legends.

The sudden boom of closing doors behind him startled him, making him flinch. It also caused several of the people look over at the noise, at him. Most turned away soon, but some kept staring at him. It almost made Loki want to cover, to hide, but he stared at them back, _daring_ them to object. He was finally here, and so he was going to stay. If it upset a bunch of dead people, it wasn’t his business. Seeing Odin among them made him freeze for a moment, thoughts about their last moments together rushing through his head, but only until he saw Frigga standing right next to him.

Loki only realized he was no longer standing rooted by the doors when he almost tripped on a fallen drinking horn. Kicking it away he sped up. Seeing Frigga move towards him as well, made him gasp in a breath. It had been too long since he could embrace her freely. Searching his memory would tell him that the last time was right after blowing away Laufey. Opening his arms he hugged her tightly, whispering “Mother.” 

When he saw her last he had denied that relation. Sniffling, not even suppressing the tears that were ready to fall, he hugged Frigga closer, letting the tears seep into her gown. She smelled like home and safety, like he could hide in her skirts forever, away from all the hurts of the world. 

He felt a presence next to him, and knew without looking that it was Odin. Even though they had parted on almost amicable terms, right now that stare he knew directed right at him was heavy, making him feel almost unwelcome. But if he was here, in Valhalla, they he would stay right here. And there was nothing Odin could do about it.

Looking up, uncaring about the tears falling down his cheeks, he looked at Odin, at his _father_. There was definitely an unhappy look on his face. He wanted to hiss at him, like a cat that was enjoying a warm nap while the master of the house wanted his favorite couch back.

It was a long time before he and Frigga finally let go of each other, but even then not completely, a hand was still on his shoulder, leading him towards a seat at the side of the hall. Seated, he leaned onto Frigga, keeping close, ignoring Odin’s brewing frown. 

“What of Thor?” 

It really should not surprise him still, that Odin first was asking for his brother, and not sparing a word for his own presence here, should it? Frigga’s gasp into his ear made him sigh and look down. The table was just as heavily laden as others, perhaps even more, if this was where Odin All-father was holding court these days. 

“Darling, was it Hela?” An entire discussion must have happened between his parents  while he wasn’t looking at what their faces was doing. And there was another secret Odin had buried; this one even more literally. 

Snorting he said, “Oh, no, Hela is done for. Not like it was hard or anything. Only destroyed all of Asgard.” He shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal, but still felt Frigga, mother, squeezing at his hand. Because as much he had denied Asgard in recent years, it was still his home, childhood. Every memory from his earliest until that fateful day on Jotunheim. And as much it hurt to find out Asgard wasn’t his birth realm, he still did grow up there.

Feeling his mother give him courage just from standing next to him, Loki took another breath and said, “There was a bigger threat.” Calling Thanos a bigger threat did not do the titan justice. He was the biggest threat imaginable, and just thinking about him made Loki’s spine lock, tension he was hoping to have left behind with the living making him stiffen. A moment later he gulped down the knot in his throat and said, “Thanos.” 

Muttering from nearby tables was louder that Odin’s shocked reaction, and it spurned him to continue, “Thanos killed me and soon enough he will have the Infinity Gauntlet gathered.”

This got him another hug from Frigga which he gladly accepted. Relishing the closeness, Loki closed his eyes and leaned against her. It was peaceful here, that he could admit. There was no need to rush with anything anymore. Thor would show up, or he would not. Time would tell. Asgard was no more, and all of the dead Asgardians were here, all but Thor. 

Loki was sure that Odin didn’t expect Loki to show up for centuries, so seeing him here must have been a bit of a shock. But that still did not explain why Odin left the table without saying anything; not about Loki’s death, not about Thanos and the thread he posed to the galaxy.

The feeling of disappointment was something he was used to in the past years when it came to Odin, but it did not make it any easier. Burying his face in Frigga’s shoulder, eyes still closed he wished to ignore everything that wasn’t the two of them. The ache did not go away. 

~~  
When Thor didn’t appear at the gates of Valhalla, even hours later and Odin kept avoiding Loki as much as he could, Loki gathered that the battle was over. No more asgardians showed at the door. There was no way Thor would end up anywhere that wasn’t Valhalla, so Loki stopped looking at the door eventually. 

He had quickly fallen into an apathy, knowing he had a forever ahead of him and nowhere to go. Valhalla, as nice as it was, was stifling and unsuited to him, where he at the moment feeling anything other than exhausted. It felt strange to slow down, to stop planning or scheming.

Not even overhearing Odin and Frigga’s conversation about him made him want to do something. Not so soon after his final death.

The conversation he overheard went something like this,

_Odin said: “We have to get him out of here.”_

_And Frigga had responded: “It this just so you can avoid having an actual conversation with him?”_

_To which Odin exclaimed: “That isn’t why!”_

Loki snorted, because it definitely was why Odin was avoiding him. He wanted to float on the apathy, uncaring about anything, while Odin wanted him to simply not be here, to not have died so soon after himself. Frigga wanted peace between them, for them to talk it out, to be a family again. Loki could agree, but he wasn’t yet ready to take the first steps towards that. Besides, Odin should be the one to start.

Deep down Loki knew that Odin was upset about him dying, but admitting that would require Odin to come and actually talk to him. To talk about feelings. Loki wasn’t holding out much hope that it would happen anytime soon.

But they did have forever.

~~  
It was about two weeks since Loki’s death.

The time had rushed by him faster than he expected, and he was still riding the wave of apathy, trailing Frigga wherever she went. Even Heimdall was eyeing him with a peculiar look, somewhat knowing and pitying, but Loki didn’t care enough to do something about that. Warriors Three had talked at him rather than with him. In a different circumstance he would have snapped at them, would have settled their issues.

Odin had been absent for a day. Without Frigga remarking it, he would not have noticed. 

He did notice Odin returning. He wasn’t alone. 

Oh, Norns. 

The exclamation was right, for it was the Norns Odin had brought back with him. Loki was aghast, looking at them approaching, his jaw meeting the ground. He knew that Norns defied all logic, but this was too much. He scrambled over the chair he was sitting on, putting distance between them and himself. 

No. No, he was fine here, he could take it, he could— _endure_ it, could find a place for himself in Valhalla. It was no use.

He saw Odin stopped next to Frigga, trying to tell her something, to stop her from interrupting, but the Norns were approaching him. There was nowhere to run and Loki soon found himself with his back against the door he had came through to Valhalla.

“Stay away!” Loki yelled, after all he was fine here, he didn’t want to leave. It was peaceful here, it was! He could deal with the constraints and the infrequent looks of pity from others, he _could. ___

__“Loki—.”_ _

__He doesn’t hear how the rest of the sentence goes, looking over the Norns, right at Frigga and Odin, where they stand clutching at each other. Odin is stoic, but Frigga is crying happy tears, looking at him with a smile._ _

__Wanting him to live, to have another chance at life._ _

__~~  
It was about two weeks since Loki’s death and a few second since he could breathe again._ _

__He was lying on a field, under a blue sky. Loki felt tears dry on his cheeks, his memory replaying the days spent with Frigga. He had talked with her so little, stuck in his apathy. He wanted to blame the Norns for that, but couldn't. It was the thought that he and Frigga would have a forever together, so he didn’t do anything while he had the time._ _

__Loki could feel footsteps, getting faster in their approach. It didn’t take long for them to reach him. Looking at them, Loki blinked a few times. He didn’t know who they were. They were definitely guards, clad in red and leather, armed with spears which didn’t take long to be pointed right at him. “Who are you?” They asked, unwavering, used to dealing with threats. Not that he looked much like a threat right now. Looking down he saw that he was still clad in his leathers, the same ones Thanos had killed him in. Swallowing down felt painful, lighting up the bruises on his neck._ _

__Being alive meant that he could ask his question, the one that had tagged along with his death, “Is Thor here?”_ _

__Since not one of the guards stepped closer and poked him with a spear, the answer seemed to be _yes_. Relief. Loki closed his eyes, no longer looking at the sky. Just lying there, breathing, slowly so not to aggravate his tender neck; his hands feeling the sand and dirt and clumps of grass under his fingers. He heard the red clad guards retreat and speak amongst themselves, sending word that someone looking for Thor had showed up._ _

__After that it really didn’t take long for that sense of lightning in the air to appear, for earth to boom with someone landing heavily._ _

__Realizing that lying supine on the ground might not be the best way to show up back to the land of the living, Loki pushed himself to a sitting position. Opening his eyes, he had to blink the sun away—no, not sun—a brightness glinting off of a shield. Squinting he could make out two figures approaching. One was the brightness, the shield, the brave righteous Captain Rogers; even if the shield he carried was different than the one Loki remembered. He smirked at recalling shifting into a likeness of the Captain, how fun it was to rile up Thor with that. _Thor_. The other figure coming towards him was Thor. The look on his face was something in between relief and anger._ _

__Right. He did die again and now was alive again._ _

__The funniest—the saddest—part about that was that every time he died, he did not expect to come back. And yet higher forces were rejecting him again and again, sending him back to the land of the living. Oh, what fun Norns were having with his life._ _

__Getting to his feet Loki wasn’t feeling the steadiest, but he was up and met Thor’s embrace without falling. Even if it was more to do with Thor’s hands around him and not his legs, which did give out under him a moment later. The hug was fierce and felt so familiar. The same way it felt like home in Frigga’s arms._ _

__~~  
It was easy to talk with Thor, much easier than with Odin, or even Frigga. Because Thor was with him during all the bad things that happened after his _fall_ from the Bifrost. Midgard, then Svartalfheim, Sakaar. Asgard again._ _

__Loki was wondering the halls of Wakanda in search of a distraction, or perhaps a moment to breathe again, a bit of a solitude. Breakfast had been a tense affair. He did not expect so many of his old foes at the same table. No one had shot at him, or raised their voices that he should be under lock and key instead of eating breakfast. It was a relief, even if it didn’t make much of a difference to the situation they were all in. He let his gaze travel from one Avenger to the next, lingering on those he had met previously. His hawkling wasn’t there, or the annoying chatterbox Stark, and several others had joined the Earth's Mightiest Heroes in the interim._ _

__There had been a morning meeting, sans himself, about him showing up. He didn’t have to attend to know they were talking about him. And he knew that they had no immediate plan to find Thanos and stop him; everyone was still stuck in their own grief about lost comrades and loved ones._ _

__Eventually he found himself on a balcony, overlooking the sun scorched grass of Wakanda. He knew Thor was trying to find out if Jane lived; even if they are broken up, he knew Thor still cared about her. So he left him to it and went exploring. There was more ground to cover even within the palace walls in comparison with Valhalla. He could also breathe here._ _

__Footsteps behind him, and suddenly a voice, “Oh, I’m—. Nevermind.”_ _

__Loki froze for a moment. Surely they would not confront him one by one? “You can join me, Captain Rogers. I won’t bite.” Much, and only if someone asks._ _

__There was a pause, before “I’m not sure this is a good idea.”_ _

__Turning to his side, leaning on the railing with his elbow now, Loki spared one last look to the ravaged battlefield that was still being mended, and looked at his visitor. There was a handsomeness under a definite layer of sorrow. He must have lost someone to Thanos’s backwards plan of making galaxy a better place. Even so, Loki was confident he could make the man smile._ _

__“Why? I think I’m very good company.” Loki smirked, looking Rogers—Steve, his name was Steve—up and down, appraising. The action made Steve stop and stare at him, as if in astonishment._ _

__“Everyone in New York would disagree I think.” Steve took the last few steps until he came out to the balcony proper, stopping at the railing, to look across the green fields for a moment. A frown marred his face and didn’t go away when he turned to mirror Loki’s pose._ _

__“True.” Loki looked down for a moment. He knew apologizing for it wouldn’t be enough, it truly wasn’t his best moment, or the greatest state of mind really. But those were excuses, which would not bring back the dead anyway. He did feel remorse, but was unsure how or should he express it at all._ _

__“Thor said you were in Valhalla?” Steve asked._ _

__Loki had to wince at that. After telling Thor everything, he knew that some of it would get passed onto the Avengers, but it still didn’t make it any easier._ _

__“Sorry, I didn’t mean to—,” Steve couldn’t finish his sentence before Loki interrupted._ _

__“It’s quite alright.” Loki sighed, breaking eye contact. He turned back to looking at the battlefield, as if to look at the people who were working on restoring it back to being only a grass field, but actually starting somewhere in the distance not really seeing anything. He had healed the bruises yesterday evening, but Steve was there when he showed up, he had seen them, knew exactly how he had died. “Yes, I was dead. My father didn’t want an honest conversation with me and went to find a way to bring me back to life as it were.”_ _

__“What?”_ _

__Steve sounded sincerely shocked that Loki had to look back at him again. It seemed genuine, prompting Loki to reevaluate him once more, “I thought Thor told you all everything? Huh.” Loki frowned, pressing his lips together. Here he goes assuming things, still not appreciating Thor’s growth in the last years, and blabbing things aloud that should have stayed buried and unacknowledged._ _

__“I’m sorry. Would you have stayed in Valhalla if you could?”_ _

__Loki had to ask himself that question a few times over, until he finally settled on. “No.” And it was true. Perhaps he could have stayed there for a while, reconnecting with Frigga, but eventually it would be too stifling, not enough room for him and all the other egos to fit. He needed space to himself, a place where he could breathe._ _

__“There’s too much things to do. Mischief to plan. Nefarious deeds.” A little smile bloomed at the corner of his mouth. “Thanos to kill.” Loki was especially looking forward to that._ _

__Steve snorted next to him, “You do know we will stop those nefarious deeds, don’t you Loki?”_ _

__“Oh, Steve, I’m counting on it.” He could not help but smile at that. Perhaps the Avengers weren’t so bad after all. Or at least this particular Avenger._ _


End file.
